1. |
i lost myself
03:31
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i lost myself
he was walking in a wild dark place
it got so dark
he didn't see another human face
i lost myself
he was roaming 'round in sneakers and a cane
i lost myself, with no one else
only me myself and i remained
the ache was dull
in his feet and in the middle of his back
the road was long
and he didn't bring enough cash
the road was long
and he didn't have a water bottle packed
and nobody offered him a drink
and isn't that just sad?
he missed our cats
i lost myself
he's somewhere in the middle of these woods
after all i said
he never learned to come back when he should
i lost myself
he's left me now forever and for good
with no one else
Mx. Misunderstood
i lost my soul
they say it's only gonna take him time
to return
he used to come around when i would find
a clever story
a pretty rhyme
but he is gone
i've lost my mind
i lost myself
i don't know what he's doing, or just where he's gone
i'd like to hope
that he's writing pretty songs
he'll come back to me
i hope that i'm not wrong
he'll come back to me
before long
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2. |
avalanche
01:16
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3. |
beloved
04:11
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lie down with me
patron of musicians
lie down with me
god of inspiration
lie down with me
guide of fate
lie down with me
god of plague
sometimes i get lost
sometimes i am lonely when i’m not alone
but you, you are home
lie down with me
brilliant speaker
lie down with me
bright healer
lie down with me
great protector
lie down with me
lovely killer
sometimes i am lost
in darkness and i lose my sight
but you, you are the light
i have been on stages and subways
and on my way i have been lost
and i have searched this place for a friendly face
and come up wanting
but i find myself wanting you
if you're my song
i'll be your singer
lie down with me
pretty lover
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4. |
feathers & flame
03:33
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i fell asleep tangled in the web of Wyrd
with ink on my hands and wine on my tongue
i lay asleep a thousand years
and when i woke i still was young
psychedelic, ultraviolet
wonder if i still can find it
if i try to remember my place
psychedelic, ultraviolet
there was nothing quite like it
i dreamed of feathers and flame
i fell asleep tangled in the web of wyrd
hail to the Norns who do it each night
i offered them flowers, i offered them my fear
they told me to look with my other sight
psychedelic, ultraviolet
and when i woke the sun was shining
and i knew with certainty my own name
psychedelic, ultraviolet
there was nothing quite like it
i dreamed of feathers and flame
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5. |
molecules
04:24
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i was formed from algae at the start
i learned to grow a skeleton, i learned to grow a heart
i was a mosquito on a plane
i was somewhere else and in some other time and place
i was just a virus in a vein
i am everybody that you know
i am the places that you never learned to go
i am everything you are
water in a jar
when the atmosphere took over me
i rose unformed unwhole out of the sea
when i became the rivers and the storms
the earth itself again would keep me warm
eternity's my stage and i perform
i am everybody that you know
i am the places that you never learned to go
i am everything you've been
i am monsters and i'm men
i was just the monster of a cave
in the fields of lavender when you forgot my name
i was once a river and an ocean and a lake
i sang the words of orpheus and made the same mistake
i was born in 1998
i was born in 1998
just some fuckin' cruel twist of fate
i was born in 1998
i am everybody that you know
i am the places that you never learned to go
i am everything you've been
human
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6. |
Saturn
04:02
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(turquoise, ultramarine
gold and silver glittering
the black and white that's in between
Saturn and me)
so, so, Saturn and i
we get along fine
me and my velvets and him wearing leather
Saturn and me
were something you'd see
when all of my exes were fairweather
rings, runes, jewelry
ice, fire, mystery
of everything that i believe
Saturn and me
so i wake up in bed
with Space in my head
i see the Light and i see Forever
black green lavender blue
and indigo too
shades of my gray and shades of surrender
red orange yellow green
and everything that i have seen
and everything that's in between
Saturn and me
and everything's chill
the time that we kill
i'll blink and tomorrow it'll be November
the planets will spin
however they will
i don't know if i'm getting better
it's all the things we are
all the burning stars
everyone drowning in their displeasure
i tried to love you
like i loved the Moon
i didn't succeed whatsoever
and i thought i was so clever
and i thought i was so smart
but the retrograde broke my heart
so, Saturn and i
we run and we hide
space contrabass and high tenor
singing, Saturn and i
separated by the Sky
i just close my eyes and we're together
(red orange yellow green
and everything that i have seen
and everything that's in between
Saturn and me)
(turquoise, ultramarine
gold and silver glittering
the black and white that's in between
Saturn and me)
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7. |
hope
03:56
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hope's the thing with bones, i've found
twist me up in wires
cover me in cool clear water
electrify me til i see the light
hope's a brittle thing, i've learned
snap me clean in two
cover me in bloodred silk
shroud me til sleep takes me over
hope is lingering, i know
paint me black and blue
cover me with your body
and chase my doubts away
i took my hope and cut it into pieces
and put it on a slide
and with the light on all that i could see was desperation
so i put the microscope aside
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8. |
i am not afraid
02:28
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the walls are bloodier than i have ever known
my friends have fallen; i'm alone
they went out like lights, one by one
but the night's just begun
i am not afraid
i am not afraid
i am not afraid
i'm not down yet
i will not listen, though they've said
"don't return, there's nothing left−
"nothing left to say or do."
but i will run until i find you
i am not afraid
i am not afraid
i am not afraid
i'm not down yet
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9. |
you were there
02:00
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i remember
your arms, safety
wrapped around me
i was warm
i remember
i was waiting
for the sunlight
through the storm
i remember
silence, waiting
then a song burst
brighter than snow
you were there
when i was low
when i was lonely
Odin, you've always been with me
(i remember
your arms, safety
wrapped around me
i was warm)
i am yours now
it's all over now
i'm never coming down
i'm never coming down
(i remember
your arms, safety
wrapped around me
i was warm)
i'm never coming down
i'm never coming down
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10. |
night verses
02:35
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i'm more afraid than i can say
that i'll run out of ideas one day
that the songs in my head will pause
and my pen will still and i'll sing no more
i'm scared of stagnation and staying the same
i'm afraid to lose that old creative flame
i'm terrified of the odds
that i'll lose my creativity to my mental war
i'm scared i'll soon regret
not writing down the night verses
and the shower melodies
and the ideas for lyrics that come to me
when i'm trying to sleep
i'm scared of losing what makes me, me
of losing my voice
'cause i'm only a boy
with a song on my tongue
i'm less than anyone
and if i don't sing i won't be loved anymore
i'm scared one day my pen will still and i will sing no more
i'm more afraid than i can say
that i'll run out of ideas one day
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11. |
Brooklyn
00:29
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i romanticize my Brooklyn
morning comes and windows open
sunlight comes and life awakens
hope is here and life goes on
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12. |
death is a lady
02:04
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death is a maiden
half Her face bone
She wears black lipstick
She visits alone
i sing to Her
to those in Her realm
i miss my lover
i miss my friends
i miss my friends
all things must end
death is a teacher
Her classroom includes
lessons on all
of the things you will lose
lessons on patience
lessons on time
lessons on things
i can put into rhyme
lessons on hope
lessons on fear
death is a shadow
that ever looms near
and i'll be here
and i'll be here
death is a presence
in all of our lives
live and live well
like tomorrow you'll die
greet her like a friend
when you enter Helheim
death is a lady
half rotted half bright
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13. |
the storm arrives
02:47
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14. |
city
03:38
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midnight, i leave my apartment, jacket on and hat on my hair
i walk slowly to the park and sit on swings and stop and stare
the city is alive all around me
the city lights have found me
midnight, i leave my apartment, jacket on and hat on my hair
i walk slowly to the park and sit on swings and stop and stare
the city is alive all around me
(and i don't know where i'm going, i don't know what i'm doing)
the city lights have found me
(but i am home)
(but i am home)
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15. |
notes to self
04:26
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strive to leave each room happier than when you found it
if someone says you hurt them, apologize
take your makeup off before going to bed
if you have the energy, then moisturize
tell your therapist the truth when your mind starts to slip
take your meds as much as you can
use the gel ice packs on your shoulders and hips, ankles and wrists
don't fall apart and you'll be a self-made man
do all things with as much wisdom as you possess
maybe even do all things with care
write music for at least half an hour a day
sing as much as you dare
this song is to remind you you are real
in your brightest coldest hour all the things you feel
to take up space and be in pain is not a flaw
drink some water, eat something, and unclench your jaw
your art has merit of its own
you're creating something like a home
even when you're lonely you are not alone
it doesn't matter if nobody knows
and you don't need to be your mother's daughter anymore
you don't even need to be your father's son
all the expectations that they carved into your core
all the silent hurts and setting suns
all the things the world has done (every little thing)
you don't need to run (you only need to sing)
even when you're numb (you feel everything)
there's beauty in the way you are
even when your hands hurt too much to play guitar
darling, you're gonna go far
you're the magpie flying off into the stars
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16. |
Saturn (acoustic)
03:50
|
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(turquoise, ultramarine
gold and silver glittering
the black and white that's in between
Saturn and me)
so, so, Saturn and i
we get along fine
me and my velvets and him wearing leather
Saturn and me
were something you'd see
when all of my exes were fairweather
rings, runes, jewelry
ice, fire, mystery
of everything that i believe
Saturn and me
so i wake up in bed
with Space in my head
i see the Light and i see Forever
black green lavender blue
and indigo too
shades of my gray and shades of surrender
red orange yellow green
and everything that i have seen
and everything that's in between
Saturn and me
and everything's chill
the time that we kill
i'll blink and tomorrow it'll be November
the planets will spin
however they will
i don't know if i'm getting better
it's all the things we are
all the burning stars
everyone drowning in their displeasure
i tried to love you
like i loved the Moon
i didn't succeed whatsoever
and i thought i was so clever
and i thought i was so smart
but the retrograde broke my heart
so, Saturn and i
we run and we hide
space contrabass and high tenor
singing, Saturn and i
separated by the Sky
i just close my eyes and we're together
(red orange yellow green
and everything that i have seen
and everything that's in between
Saturn and me)
(turquoise, ultramarine
gold and silver glittering
the black and white that's in between
Saturn and me)
|
Jai Mohan New York, New York
Jai Mohan is a genre-fluid composer based out of New York. he writes music about queerness, gender, polytheism, disability, big feelings, tiny moments, and the mortifying ordeal of being known.
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