1. |
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at the eye of the storm all that remains
are two people good at hurting one another
you're stuck on me like paint
and i go insane and i'm going under
and i have drowned a thousand ships in your ocean wide
and i will burn in your inferno for the last time
for the last time
at the eye of the storm all that remains
of my fire is a tiny spark
you're stuck inside my brain
and i go insane and it gets dark
and i have drowned a thousand ships in your ocean wide
and i will burn in your inferno for the last time
and if your ocean fills my lungs i'll follow you
and if your fire burns me down i'll follow you
and i have drowned a thousand ships in your ocean wide
and i will burn in your inferno one last time
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2. |
dysphoric (2023 version)
01:47
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i woke up dysphoric this morning
something in the sound of my voice screams girl to everyone who listens
my skin doesn't fit and the scars on my chest are itching
and strangers call me woman
i woke up dysphoric this morning
i've been low all day
i woke up dysphoric this morning
they use the wrong words, scream girl to everyone who listens
and they won't stop even when i'm begging
them to give me a little okay
i woke up dysphoric this morning
i don't know what to do and i don't know where i'm going
my head's a mess and my mind is poisoned
and i wish it wouldn't stay
i woke up dysphoric this morning
i know who i am but they know nothing
and they love to tell me who i am
they don't hear a word i say
i woke up dysphoric this morning
there was no sign, no warning
and i'm not even mad, it's just annoying
'cause it hurts to feel this way
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3. |
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i live in the black hole of your bed
it'll swallow me up until it's fed
it'll swallow me up until it's fed
you'll follow me up until i'm dead
i'll follow you down until you're low
i'll follow you down until you're low
i'll follow you til i'm on my own
i'll wait til you leave me here alone
i live in the black hole of your bed
it'll swallow me up until it's fed
you'll follow me up until i'm dead
you'll follow me up until i'm dead
wish what you told me was true
wish i was as wonderful as you
wish i was as wonderful as you
burn me out, fade me blue
i live in the black hole of your bed
i live in the black hole of your bed
it'll swallow me up until it's fed
you'll follow me up until i'm dead
you'll follow me
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4. |
bad dream (2023 version)
02:37
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i wear gray
to funerals 'cause other days
i wear black
and i'm wearing red
today 'cause in my head
i don't think you'll come back
but i remember you as you were
i remember you like a bad dream
the summer we were nineteen, oh my gods
i thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you wanted me like i wanted you
even though it's over and you're gone
i thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you wanted me like i wanted you
and i remember you as you were
not as i imagine you are
swingin' with someone on a dance floor
singin' in somebody's car
i remember you as you were
i remember you like a bad dream
the summer we were nineteen, oh my gods
i thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you wanted me like i wanted you
even though it's over and you're gone
i thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you wanted me like i wanted you
i thought you wanted me like i wanted you
i thought you wanted me like i wanted
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5. |
prism (2023 version)
03:20
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i don't know if i'm ever going back
i got your message and i hear you're doing well
heard you moved out and made a name for yourself
and i've spent the last four years running from my mind
and i'm sorry i left you behind
(left you behind, left you behind)
i don't know if i'm ever going back to the city where you live
i don't know if leaving you is something you will ever forgive
but if you call my name, i'll meet you where we used to hide
and i'll apologize
for leaving you behind
your life goes by in comments and posts and photographs
you like each picture that i take of makeup and my cat
and i spent two years in Manhattan wishing you could see it
if you could see me now, would you believe it?
(the summer we were nineteen, oh my gods
i thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you wanted me like i wanted you
(oh i don't know)
i don't know if i'm ever going back to the city where you live
i don't know if leaving you is something you could ever forgive
but if you call my name, i'll meet you where we used to hide
and i'll apologize
for leaving you behind (for leaving you behind)
even though it's over and you're gone
i thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you were the only one i'd ever want
thought you wanted me like i wanted you)
for leaving you behind (i thought you wanted me like i wanted you)
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6. |
graceless (2023 version)
03:44
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i burned all my bridges
too big for my britches
everybody says that i'm not as cool as they thought i'd turn out to be
can't sit still when it itches
so i pulled out all my stitches
all of the witches that burn started it first by loving me
graceless shameless faceless lot−
all i'm gonna do is rot
but they're staring down at me
tearstained winestained fake unhappy
the end of the world, it came and went
and no one gave a damn
i tried to forget, i tried again
but that's not who i am
it's my funeral and everyone i loved builds the pyre
it's my funeral and i can taste it, i can taste the fire
it's my funeral, did you get what you desired
i'm crying slow, but the casket's closed
are you gonna miss me when i'm gone
why do i keep wondering where i went wrong
why do i keep wondering when i went mad
when can i go back to what i had
i dug my own grave
i couldn't be saved
crashed the party just to dance
it's only consequential
'cause i wasted my potential
and threw away every single second chance
graceless shameless faceless lot−
all i'm gonna do is rot
but they're staring down at me
tearstained winestained fake unhappy
remember i said
it's my funeral and everyone i loved builds the pyre
it's my funeral and i can taste it, i can taste the fire
it's my funeral, the world gets just what it desired
i'm crying slow, but the casket's closed
and is anybody gonna miss me when i'm gone
why do i keep wondering where i went wrong
why do i keep wondering when i went mad
when can i go back to what i had
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7. |
evolve (2023 version)
03:57
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i'm still evolving
my head's exploding
i am evolving
won't say i'm sorry
young and i'm restless
wild and i'm reckless
coiled like a necklace
hold me against it
and i will fall into you
and i will fall into you
and i will fall into you
and i will fall into you
i'm still evolving
my mind's dissolving
i am evolving
i am not sorry
i dream about you
i cannot help it
i did not used to
i cannot stop this
i will fall into you
and i'll evolve with you
and i will fall into you
and i will fall into you
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8. |
loverboy
02:21
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this princess is a king
this barbie is a ken
this flower's evergreen
this masc is sometimes femme
baby, i'm just a guy
my gender is the sea
don't break your little mind
tryna comprehend me
i'm here to sing along
i'm just a pretty thing
i'm just the song
that an old god sings
i am radiance
i am the stars at night
i am darkness
i'm so fuckin' bright
and i am covering myself in ink
i don't mind what you think
and i choose to be a fighter
i am water, swim or sink
and i think that i'm enough
i'm just a loverboy
i'm just a loverboy in love
just let me find my place
okay, i left off here
i am the highest grace
i am the atmosphere
i'm gonna get you hooked
come on, now breathe me in
i'm everywhere you look
i am your oxygen
and i'm seven magpies in a velvet cloak
gender's a performance and i'm telling jokes
and i choose to be a singer
i steal back my own lost hope
and i think that i'm enough
i'm just a loverboy
i'm just a loverboy in love
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9. |
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my lover treats me gently
he calls me pretty boy
he speaks the sweetest wisdom
he brings me joy
his hands are on my shoulders
he calls me pretty whore
and he sets my soul on fire
but i've been burned before
and i'm afraid of how bright i burn
he tells me it's just another lesson to learn
and i'm afraid of another lover letting me go
oh, i'll love him forever, he already knows
i wear a collar for him
necklaces and rings
he likes when i make him laugh
he loves it when i sing
he loves when i'm good to me
and when the day goes dim
i just wanna be
so good for him
and i'm afraid of how bright i burn
he tells me it's just another lesson to learn
and i'm afraid of another lover letting me go
oh, i'll love him forever, he already knows
oh, and i worship him with my hands and my mouth
and i see him in my dreams when the sun goes down
he tells me healing takes time but i will heal somehow
and one day i'll be more sure of myself than i am now
my lover treats me gently
i weep to know his skin
i just wanna be
so good for him
and i'm afraid of how bright i burn
he tells me it's just another lesson to learn
and i'm afraid of another lover letting me go
oh, i'll love him forever, he already knows
my lover treats me gently
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10. |
tourmaline (demo)
02:36
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has anybody told you your eye's like tourmaline?
i've never been the cleverest but for you i'd learn
stone and salt and sand, as stable as i seem
often do i drown and often do i burn
has anybody told you you've got lips like sweet wine?
often do i drink, so i think that i would know
you take up half my thoughts and yet not enough time
i became comfortably drunk long ago
love's a violent monster when it's fed
but all the colors in my head
are sifting sinking into red
and i am falling, my friend
your love is peaceful, love is soft
you've spinning through my thoughts
though sometimes i fear the worst
i love you; you loved me first
you take up half my thoughts and yet not enough time
i became comfortably drunk long ago
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11. |
nine (2023 version)
02:46
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Jai Mohan New York, New York
Jai Mohan is a genre-fluid composer based out of New York. he writes music about queerness, gender, polytheism, disability, big feelings, tiny moments, and the mortifying ordeal of being known.
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