1. |
my lover, the sea
03:52
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he can be harsh
when we fight we rage
and he's a tidal wave
sweeping me with hurricanes, inward for days
the nights get dark
but if i drifted away
on his tidal waves
he'd pull me back again, i'd hold his hand again
and he sings
"men like you like men like me
and i could drown you easily
oh but this could be a masterpiece
if you're the siren, i'm the sea"
pinpricks in his neon hair
my affliction, his snare
his affection, he cares
the way the sea cares for the shore
something shining in his stare
sailors run and sing beware
this addiction lays me bare
my lover evermore
men like you like men like me
and you could drown me easily
oh but this could be a masterpiece
if i'm the siren, you're the sea
the water is cold
dark and deep
and i don't know what i'm doing
i'm drowning in you
and you're drowning in me
it's a fight and i am losing
my lover, the sea
men like you like men like me
and you could drown me easily
oh but this could be a masterpiece
if i'm the siren, you're the sea
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2. |
burn me out
02:50
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i live in the black hole of your bed
it'll swallow me up until it's fed
it'll swallow me up until it's fed
you'll follow me up until i'm dead
i'll follow you down until you're low
i'll follow you down until you're low
i'll follow you til i'm on my own
i'll wait til you leave me here alone
i live in the black hole of your bed
it'll swallow me up until it's fed
you'll follow me up until i'm dead
you'll follow me up until i'm dead
wish what you told me was true
wish i was as wonderful as you
wish i was as wonderful as you
burn me out, fade me blue
i live in the black hole of your bed
i live in the black hole of your bed
it'll swallow me up until it's fed
you'll follow me up until i'm dead
you'll follow me
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3. |
still feel you
02:40
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i still feel your hands around my throat
i still feel the bruises left behind
a bruising love, a love that cut
no love at all, but i felt it, i still feel it
and i can't get it out
i still feel your lies in my head
a poison love, a love that kills
no love at all, but i felt it, it was reckless
and i feel it still
i still feel you underneath my skin
your type of cruelty
is in everything i am
and i can't get it out
i still feel you all around me
and i can't get out
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4. |
Forest
03:04
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beautiful worry
something like want
i told you before that i'm sorry
but i am the house i haunt
if you let me hunt you down
i'll let you cut out my heart
and i will freeze to death
in the forest deep and dark, oh
and in the morning you'll be wrapped up in me, warm
in the morning you will breathe in the storm
here's the place we go to die
burn me down
let me cry
pretty like a god
eyeshadow like a bruise,
lips red as drying blood
dip me backwards as we spin
through the hallways of this love, oh
and in the morning you'll be wrapped up in me, warm
in the morning i will bleed into the storm
and in the morning i will leave you there (alone)
silver on your face and glitter in your hair
i'll let you cut out my heart
and i will freeze to death
in the forest deep and dark
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5. |
Panic
04:18
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my heart is racing
my bones are aching
my hands are shaking
i'm low
my blood is freezing
the sound is creeping
my mind is leaving
i know
staring at the walls of my panic room
i would give it all to be seen by you
there's nothing, nothing out there for me
but the worry
but the fear
there's nothing, nothing out there for me
but the worry
i am here
my heart is breaking
i'm scared i'm faking
my own safe haven
has become my cage
my eyes are watching
my ghost is haunting
my breath is stopping
there's no being saved
staring at the walls of my panic room
i would give it all to be seen by you
there's nothing, nothing out there for me
but the worry
but the fear
there's nothing, nothing out there for me
but the worry
i am here
there's nothing, nothing out there for me
but the worry
but the fear
there's nothing, nothing out there for me
but the worry
i am here
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6. |
Dysphoric
01:46
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i woke up dysphoric this morning
something in the sound of my voice screams girl to everyone who listens
my hips are too wide and the scars on my chest are itching
and strangers call me woman
i woke up dysphoric this morning
i've been low all day
i woke up dysphoric this morning
they use the wrong words, scream girl to everyone who listens
and they won't stop even when i'm begging
them to give me a little okay
i woke up dysphoric this morning
i don't know what to do and i don't know where i'm going
my head's a mess and my mind is poisoned
and i wish it wouldn't stay
i woke up dysphoric this morning
i know who i am but they know nothing
and they love to tell me who i am
they don't hear a word i say
i woke up dysphoric this morning
there was no sign, no warning
and i'm not even mad, it's just annoying
'cause it hurts to feel this way
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7. |
Brother
03:01
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i have a brother
he lives on Long Island
we don't talk much these days
but he's my best friend
and i miss him, and i miss him like hell
and it's just as well
we don't talk much these days
not since i fell from grace
not since i fell
nothing's true
this world is custom made to hurt you
built to cause pain, as if they knew
that i was cryin', cryin' alone
and it hurts me like hell
and it's just as well
we don't talk much these days
not since i fell from grace
not since i fell
and i know that i'm wrong
but it feels like i'm friendless
and i know it's my song
but at times the singing feels endless
and i have never belonged
but i want it so bad
the one thing that i've never had
is a place where nothing drags me down
and i miss being wanted around
and i miss him, miss him like hell
and it's just as well
we don't talk much these days
not since i fell from grace
not since i fell
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8. |
to swallow the sun
02:42
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when i was young i was hungry as fuck
and i'd fill up my void with sugar and vitiriol
i was cold as the sky and never enough
so i decided to swallow the sun
and i knew it was planning to burn me
of course i knew it would hurt
it scorched my tongue like overdone coffee
it tore through my veins like a curse
i said, do your worst
but my eyes were opened wide and it set me free
it set me running alone in the storm
for the first time i felt the sensation of heat
it was worth it to know what it was to be warm
i said, do your worst
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9. |
City
03:38
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midnight, i leave my apartment, jacket on and hat on my hair
i walk slowly to the park and sit on swings and stop and stare
the city is alive all around me
the city lights have found me
midnight, i leave my apartment, jacket on and hat on my hair
i walk slowly to the park and sit on swings and stop and stare
the city is alive all around me
(and i don't know where i'm going)
the city lights have found me
(i don't know what i'm doing)
(but i am home)
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10. |
In Midnight Sleep
02:53
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11. |
Forest (piano version)
03:08
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beautiful worry
something like want
i told you before that i'm sorry
but i am the house i haunt
if you let me hunt you down
i'll let you cut out my heart
and i will freeze to death
in the forest deep and dark, oh
and in the morning you'll be wrapped up in me, warm
in the morning you will breathe in the storm
here's the place we go to die
burn me down
let me cry
pretty like a god
eyeshadow like a bruise,
lips red as drying blood
dip me backwards as we spin
through the hallways of this love, oh
and in the morning you'll be wrapped up in me, warm
in the morning i will bleed into the storm
and in the morning i will leave you there (alone)
silver on your face and glitter in your hair
i'll let you cut out my heart
and i will freeze to death
in the forest deep and dark
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Jai Mohan New York, New York
Jai Mohan is a genre-fluid composer based out of New York. he writes music about queerness, gender, polytheism, disability, big feelings, tiny moments, and the mortifying ordeal of being known.
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